What If? a Collection of Short Fiction by J. Paul Cooper Read online

  What bothered some scientists was how far it had traveled through our solar system before it was noticed, but at least it wasn’t a threat. The comet would not collide with Earth. It would have been a much more sensational story had journalists realized that the comet’s arrival would likely result in the enslavement of the entire human race.

  Commander Orleg of the Thallaxian warship traveling inside the comet kept her crew on high alert, waiting for any sign that their presence had been detected. To the best of her knowledge, these being who called themselves humans had never heard of a comet being used to camouflage a space vessel, but it was best to be vigilant.

  Intelligent societies usually imagined inter-galactic travel and the possible military applications long before they ventured into the vast reaches of space. She walked across the bridge and touched the shoulder of each and every crew member, whispering as she went, forcing them to concentrate on her words, “Patience. Vigilance. Victory.

  As the Thallaxian vessel proceeded undetected inside the comet, university student Jason was proceeding at approximated ninety kilometres per hour through a seventy kilometre an hour zone in the Western Canadian city of Edmonton, Alberta. Luckily for him, the nearest police radar was three blocks east of his location and his vehicle also went undetected.

  Jason was a twenty-one-year-old engineering student and his brother George in the passenger seat was an eighteen-year-old, second year liberal arts student. Having just finished their first set of mid-term exams, all the two university students wanted to do was forget grade point averages and student loans. They quickly agreed that the best way to achieve brainless bliss would be to gorge on pizza and beer and watch three hours of professional wrestling.

  The Thallaxian commander entered the weapons control room and joined her senior officers around the holograph image of earth. They reviewed the list of potential first-strike targets: locations that appeared to have launch facilities would be destroyed first. Their nuclear arsenal might not be as advanced as Thallaxian weapons, but they were still deadly. They would avoid direct strikes on major cities. It was yet to be determined how useful humans would prove as slaves, but wiping out a major proportion of the population would not be a good strategic decision.

  From the information gathered about Earth from intercepted transmissions, human military forces would have no hope of repelling a full-scale assault. In the initial phase, fusion weapons would decimate anything with an atomic power source, whether it was a weapon or a civilian power station. In the second phase her vessel would move in closer and lasers would destroy any kind of missile or aircraft that tried to leave the surface. By the time the main assault force arrived carrying troops, the humans would be in a state of shock and in no condition to offer a sustained resistance.

  The Thallaxian commander smiled as she thought about the possibilities. Earth would be quite a prize; the planet contained a wealth of minerals and the breathable atmosphere and abundant water supplies would make it an ideal location for a new colony. The air was not pollution free, but they could deal with that later.

  The commander was anxious to give the order to attack, but she would wait, for every Thallaxian officer knew about the Battle of Scorlos. The Thallaxian commander who launched the attack on the planet Scorlos had been just as convinced that their technology was inferior, based on initial observations, but the transmissions they intercepted were misleading.

  The average citizen of Scorlos had no idea about the advanced weapon systems the military had at its disposal, because military technology was developed under absolute secrecy. The Scorlosian military had detected the approaching Thallaxian vessels and set up an ambush that caused heavy damage to the fleet with weapons that penetrated their defensive plasma shields.

  The Thallaxians decided after the battle for Scorlos that they would never attack another planet unless it appeared that they could penetrate their defences undetected. There was no such thing as a guaranteed victory in war, but if they could penetrate a planet’s defences undetected, it would indicate that their technology wasn’t as advanced as Thallaxian technology.

  Commander Orleg decided to return to the bridge and wait for the message from the scout ship that would soon enter Earth’s atmosphere. A signal from the scout ship confirming it had reached the surface without resistance would be the confirmation she needed to launch the attack.

  The Thallaxian commander went over the list of possible targets on the planet Earth and checked status of the lasers once again. It wouldn’t be long. She whispered under her breath, “Patience. Vigilance. Victory.”

  Jason and George listened to their older sister Ella as she reminded them that they were only getting a break from living in the university dorm due to the kindness of her heart. She warned them that if there was any damage to her house while she and her husband were visiting friends in Calgary, they would regret it for the rest of their lives. Since they had lived with their older sister in their parent’s home in Vancouver for many years before she moved away, they took her threat seriously and swore that the house would be exactly as she left it.

  Jason waited until he heard the garage door close, then ran to the kitchen to check on the supply of junk food. He was very pleased to discover that there were ample supplies of everything needed to add several pounds of fat and permanently block major arteries with cholesterol. George opened his first beer and ordered the pizza.

  Despite the fact that Thallaxians were approximately the same size as humans, the scout ship sent to test Earth defence capabilities was only the size of a nine-volt battery. Thallaxian physicists had discovered how to shrink tissue to minute sizes and build miniature scout ships for the pilots that underwent the genetic transformation.

  The Thallaxian use of miniature vessels was based on the premise that any civilization with rudimentary optical equipment would be able to detect large vessels approaching their planet. Only a society with advanced technology could detect that such a small vessel had penetrated their atmosphere. It was considered an extremely dangerous mission, because, as far as the Thallaxians knew, the only way to safely return the miniaturized pilot to normal size was using their own technology.

  Second Rank Crewman Elix understood the consequences of piloting the scout ship to Earth, but he didn’t hesitate to volunteer for the mission. Someone from his clan had always served in the fleet, and he was determined to carry on the tradition, bringing honor to his family.

  Elix was sure his mission would be a success as his scout ship plunged through the atmosphere, and the features of a city began to take form on the screen. He smiled confidently as he adjusted the thrusters to slow his decent. His equipment gave no indication that he was being tracked. By the time the humans knew what hit them, they would be slaves of the Empire and he would be a hero. Generations into the future, his descendants would remember him as an ancestor who brought glory to the clan.

  The driver stopped for a moment as he opened the door of the pizza shop and wondered about what he had just seen. The cute girl behind the cast resister yelled at him to close the door and keep out the cold air. The driver walked inside and asked if anyone had seen a bird just die and drop out of the sky. One of the pizza cooks replied that if would be quite difficult for a bird to keep on flying, once it had died. Humiliated in front of the cute girl behind the cash register, the driver took the next order for delivery and walked out restaurant, never to mention the bird again.

  Elix struggled to control the scout ship after the collision with the flying creature. Fortunately, he wasn’t injured, but he was concerned about damage to the vessel’s communication equipment. He tried to contact Commander Orleg, but there was no reply. He couldn’t tell if it meant the signal was weak, or whether there was no signal at all. He understood what was at stake. If he couldn’t contact the command vessel, the invasion would be called off, and they would leave him stranded on Earth. It was a risk that every pilot had to accept. He had to find some way to boost the signal.

/>   The Thallaxian pilot wasn’t sure if the temperature was effecting his equipment. All he knew was that the weather on Earth was much colder than it was on his home planet. No wonder the humans had so much hair. He watched as a human carrying some boxes walked towards a ground vehicle. He directed his shuttle towards the vehicle. Its exterior would help to keep out the wind. As the human closed the door, Elix’s scout ship slipped unnoticed behind him.

  From the back seat of the pizza driver’s car, Elix scanned the radio and decided it wouldn’t boost his signal enough.

  While waiting for the pizza guy to arrive, Jason and George carried a banquet of artery clogging delights to the entertainment room in the basement. George turned on the television and their anticipation grew as they watched one of the wrestlers being interviewed before a match. A huge man with well-defined muscles stared into the camera. He looked like he had just finished about twelve cups of coffee.

  “You don’t deserve to carry the North American championship belt around your waist. You’re not strong enough. You’re not good looking enough. Tonight, while millions of fans are watching around the world, I’m going to humiliate you. You better start thinking about a new career, because after the beating I’m going to give you tonight, you’ll never want to get into the ring again.”

  The two young men agreed there was no point in trying to build muscles like the wrestler. Even if they ate healthy food, cut back on the amount of beer they drank and actually used the exercise equipment at the university, they would never have a physique like that without illegal steroids. Having eased their consciences with the fact they didn’t use illegal steroids, they began gorging themselves on junk food and beer.

  As the pizza driver’s car traveled through neighbourhood in north east Edmonton, the tiny Thallaxian vessel went unnoticed in the dark shadows that crossed the backseat. Elix scanned the airwaves for a stronger power source to boost his signal. He was receiving signals from so many electronic devices that it was hard to decide which one to chose, but he knew he had to decide quickly.

  When the car stopped, the Thallaxian scout ship followed the pizza driver out of the open door. He immediately spotted a dish shaped object on the side of the house the driver was walking towards and his equipment recorded a strong signal. He knew from briefings that humans used artificial satellites to transfer information over great distances. All he had to do was find the receiver and reverse the signal; it would be no problem.

  The human carrying the box of food had stopped at the door and was waiting for it to be opened. Elix decreased altitude until his scout ship was almost touching the ground and moved closer. The door opened and another human appeared. The Thallaxian pilot guided his scout ship between the humans’ legs and into the building.

  “Hey!” George looked down and tried to see what had just passed between his legs. He looked up at the pizza driver. “Did you see that?”

  The pizza guy looked around, but saw nothing. “See What?” Holding the pizza box in front of his chest, he hadn’t seen the small scout ship fly between his legs.

  “Never mind,” replied George.

  While George closed the front door and walked downstairs, Elix located the device that was receiving the satellite signal, a box underneath a large monitor. Elix manoeuvred his scout ship behind the device where the humans wouldn’t see him.

  George stood holding the pizzas, staring at the television screen. A creature with green and black scales and red eyes with twin orange pupils had replaced the wrestler.

  The sound of the toilet flushing still reverberated through the basement as Jason walked back into the entertainment room. “What were you talking to the pizza guy about?”

  “I saw something. A bug. It just flew into the house when I was paying the guy.”

  Jason moved closer and smelled George’s breath. “Did you have a couple of extra beers while I was on the can?”

  George pushed him away. “I’m not drunk.”

  Jason forgot about the bug when he noticed the television screen. “What’s with the television, did you change the channel?”

  “I thought you changed the channel.”

  “Wasn’t me.”

  Jason thought about it for a moment. “That guy next-door. Ella says he’s a real science fiction nerd. You know, one of those freaks who goes to conventions and dresses up like he’s some fictional character.”

  “Do you think,” asked George “that it might be the signal from his satellite dish interfering with our signal.”

  Jason shrugged his shoulders. “I suppose it’s possible. All I know is that this isn’t what we paid for.”

  The satellite television company was receiving thousands of calls from subscribers complaining about the weird science fiction movie that had interrupted their programs. They were at a loss to explain why it was happening. Several of the movie channels in their system included science fiction films, but no one seemed to recognize this one.

  Jason kneeled down by the television cabinet. Maybe something was wrong with the receiver, so he decided to unplug it, let it sit for a moment and then plug it in again to see if it would reset itself. Sometimes that worked with electronic equipment.

  Elix felt something brush against his scout ship. The vessel’s defensive mechanism automatically sent a plasma shock though the outer hull.

  Jason pulled his hand out from behind the television, tripping as he stepped backwards. George jumped up, trying to steady his brother, knocking an open can of beer and a pizza onto their sister’s new carpet.

  “What are you doing you idiot?”

  “Something just bit me.”

  Elix wasn’t sure what had happened, but he had to move to open space for defensive manoeuvres. Better to be seen and free to move, then trapped and unable to escape.

  George watched as the scout ship emerged from behind the television. From his perspective, the small oval shape with the landing gear still extended could only be one thing. He looked at Jason and pointed at the scout ship. “See? I told you I saw a bug.”

  Jason looked at the red mark on the side of his right hand. “What’s a bug doing flying around in this kind of weather? This is weird.”

  George grabbed a newspaper and tried to swipe the Thallaxian vessel. “Maybe it’s from South America. You know, came in a crate of bananas to the grocery store and then got loose.”

  Jason looked at his brother. “South America? It may be poisonous. We have to catch it; in case the hospital needs it to make some antidote. I could be dying right now.”

  “Check in the bathroom,” replied George. “You go see if there’s some bug spray, and I’ll try to keep it in here.”

  Elix flew throughout the room, trying to avoid the human. The Thallaxian pilot was attempting to get back to the door he had used to enter the building, but it was difficult with the human swinging the large object. Other than the plasma charge for the outer hull, Elix had not weapons at his disposal. Miniaturization had its limitations; life-support, navigation, communications and that was it. He knew his situation was serious. Under no circumstances could he allow another race to examine Thallaxian technology.

  Jason came back into the room with a can, aimed it at the bug and sprayed. Jason was panicking and hadn’t paid attention to what he was doing. It wasn’t until Jason saw the spray leave the can that he realized he had a can of orange paint. As he followed his moving target, orange paint stained the sofa. He dropped the can on the carpet and stared at George. “We’re dead.”

  George held the newspaper limply at the end of his arm. “Yeah, you’re right. We’re dead.”

  With his vessel’s exterior cameras covered with orange paint, Elix flew blindly into a set of drapes. He had no idea why he was unable to manoeuvre, all he knew was he was about to be captured. He had no choice.

  Although it wasn’t a large explosion, the scout ship’s self-destruction resulted in the drapes catching fire. George pulled them from the window, rushed into the nearby bathroom, threw
them in the sink and turned on the water.

  Jason walked to the bathroom, staring at George. “Bugs don’t explode.”

  George shrugged his shoulders. “That one did.”

  Since she was normally a quiet woman, neighbours were shocked to hear Ella screaming obscenities later that evening. Low visibility due to heavy snowfall and strong winds had forced Ella and her husband to cancel their trip to Calgary. She returned home to find beer and pizza stains on the carpet, orange paint on the sofa, and a burnt set of drapes in the downstairs bathroom sink.

  Since Commander Orleg hadn’t heard from Elix, the senior officer kept her vessel hidden inside the comet until it passed out of the solar system and rejoined the main battle fleet. Elix was remembered as a Hero who died in service to the Empire.

  Smelling beer on her younger brothers’ breath, Ella made Jason and George take a taxi back to the campus dorm. During the early morning hours as they watched television and ate microwave dinners, the two young men agreed to never mention the exploding bug again.

  The Dinner Guest

  As far as the members of the Vorlexian Society of Culinary Adventurers were concerned, it was ridiculous that it was illegal for civilians to own and operate a military class stealth ship, since everything is legal somewhere in the universe. Besides, they paid a fair price for the vessel, regardless of how the sellers had acquired it. What did it matter if what they did wasn’t considered ethical by all sentient beings, when they were creating jobs? A few less individuals in the universe were looking for handouts or stealing because they had provided them with employment as crewmembers, and that had to be a good thing.