What If? a Collection of Short Fiction by J. Paul Cooper Read online

  Alex shrugged his shoulders. “Are you kidding? I’m not filing any charges. Do you think I want the Colonel to know I ordered you to shoot down an unarmed civilian carrying presents for children? They’d give you a promotion and I’d be cleaning toilets! The record will state that I fired my missiles at an unidentified aircraft which I considered a potential threat to civilians. Once I realized that the missiles were useless against the target, we withdrew and returned to base.”

  Sandra followed Alex into the ready room. “So, I’ll keep my job and I’ll have to spend every Christmas Eve with you.”

  Alex laughed. “Eating food that makes you fat and raises your cholesterol levels.”

  Sandra smiled. “I can live with that.”

  The Poodle and the Golfer

  Bethany turned over and pulled the pillow over her head, trying to block the irritating moaning coming from the bathroom. Realizing there was no way she’d get back to sleep until after husband Harold left, she stood up and put on her bathrobe. She didn’t want to be up. It was a Saturday morning, and it wasn’t even seven o’clock yet. Bethany walked to the partly opened bathroom door. She leaned against the frame and spoke with a soft, sweet voice, “Has the hot water helped your neck and back honey?”

  “No,” Harold replied from the shower, “I’m still in agony.”

  She smiled. “Good!”

  “Why did you say that, eh?”

  Bethany shook her head in frustration. Harold just didn’t get it, regardless of how many times she warned him. Bethany had been teaching fitness classes for ten years. She understood the damage that could be done if someone who wasn’t physically active, tried to keep up with someone several years younger and in much better shape. As usual, Harold had ignored her advice.

  Walking down the hallway, Bethany stopped briefly and opened a bedroom door. She looked at their daughter Sarah and wished she could sleep like that. Sarah was seventeen years old and the only thing that would wake her up before eleven was her boyfriend’s motorcycle.

  Harold was up early that Saturday morning, because he was going to play a round of golf with his younger brother Jeff, who had booked a 7:30 am tee time.

  Every summer Jeff and his family travelled to Nova Scotia from Toronto. Harold’s younger brother looked forward to hiking, mountain biking, ocean kayaking - just about any activity that involved straining muscles. Jeff was a nice enough guy, but Bethany was glad he only came once a year. He was the reason that Harold had made a fool of himself the night before, falling off a mountain bike.

  Bethany sat at the kitchen table, sipping a coffee and reading the newspaper. Harold walked up to the kitchen counter. He moaned and slowly raised his right arm to take a coffee mug down from the cupboard. To try and avoid the shock of natural movement to his neck and back, he turned his whole body to face Jessica. She looked at him over the top of her newspaper.

  “Don’t bother telling me how much your neck and back hurt Harold. I have no sympathy for you.”

  “What’s your problem?”

  “I warned you,” replied Bethany, “that if you went mountain biking, trying to keep up with Jeff, you’d hurt yourself.”

  Harold sighed. They’d been over this a thousand times before. “You don’t understand; you don’t have a younger brother.”

  Bethany put down the newspaper and glared at Harold. “I’m going to try and explain this one more time. You are a forty-six year old Chartered Accountant. You have an office job. You never lift weights or swim or jog. You like to relax with model trains.”

  “What’s wrong with model trains?”

  “There’s nothing wrong with model trains, but your brother is a thirty-nine year old police officer who teaches karate. That means that he’s in better shape, and he stretches regularly.”

  “That’s it, rub it in.”

  “Rub what in?”

  “I know he looks like a movie star, and I look like a fry cook at some fast food restaurant. That doesn’t mean he’s better than me.”

  “I’m not saying he’s better than you, I’m saying your lifestyles are not at all the same. It makes a difference.”

  Harold looked at his watch. “Speaking of Jeff, I have to meet him at the golf course in thirty minutes.”

  Harold finished his last sip of coffee and winced in pain as he bent over to put the mug in the dishwasher. Bethany folded her arms. “I’m not putting your golf clubs in the car for you. Perhaps if you suffer enough this time, you’ll use more common sense the next time Jeff visits.”

  Harold took the keys off the rack by the microwave oven, and offered his wife a smug grin. “I don’t need your help. My clubs are still in the car from the last time I played. It’s a thirty minute drive to the course. I’m going to drop by the drug store to get some muscle relaxants before I leave Bedford. Even if I start off a little stiff, I can still beat him. Jeff may be in better shape than me, but he’s not a better golfer.”

  Bethany held the newspaper up again. “I give up. Just get going. You can make an appointment with the physiotherapist when you get home.”

  Harold looked over the top of the newspaper. “Do you still love me?”

  “Yes, but at the moment I love a fool.”

  The luxury sedan sped along the highway towards Halifax. It was a forty minute drive from the airport to the city. Frank sat next to his wife’s poodle, Cuddles in the backseat. He wanted to sit next to his wife, Jasmine but Cuddles liked to sit in the middle. Their relationship had seen better days and Frank hoped that this vacation would be a chance to patch things up, before Jasmine asked for a divorce.

  A forty-foot yacht was waiting for them in Halifax harbour, but Frank had arranged for them to spend their first night in a hotel downtown. If everything went according to plan, they’d enjoy a lobster dinner at a local restaurant, and then they’d return to their hotel and share some champagne in the hot tub. Tony, their driver and bodyguard would take Cuddles for a drive and return later in the evening. Frank couldn’t keep Cuddles away all night, just long enough to spend some time alone with his wife.

  Frank was trying to remain calm, but he hated delays, and his wife Jasmine wanted to make a detour halfway to the city from the airport. “Why can’t the dog wait until we get to Halifax to have a drink? We’re already over halfway there. It takes less than an hour to drive from the airport to the city. She’ll survive for another twenty minutes!”

  Jasmine glared at him from the other side of the backseat. “Cuddles is unsettled from the trip.”

  “Unsettled?” Frank rolled his eyes. “The dog traveled with us in a private jet and ate caviar!”

  “It wasn’t her favourite brand. You should have called the charter company and made sure they had the right type of caviar on the plane. Cuddles is very particular.”

  “Are you saying it’s my fault?”

  Jasmine kissed Cuddles on the snout. “Well, it certainly isn’t your fault, is it Cuddles?”

  Frank looked at his wife and smiled. With her long, slim legs and shoulder length red hair, it was no wonder it was hard to say no to her. She was forty-three years old, and she could still turn the heads of men twenty years younger. The most powerful crime boss in Canada could have a man killed just by making a phone call, but he couldn’t make Cuddles wait for a drink of water.

  Frank knew there was more at stake than losing a beautiful wife. If Jasmine decided to ask for a divorce, it would be a disaster. She could ask for every cent he owned, and he’d have to give it to her…if he wanted to live. Her family had connections with powerful crime syndicates in the United States. It was one thing to intimidate local crime bosses in Halifax or Winnipeg, but dealing with organizations from New York or Las Vegas was another story altogether.

  Jasmine looked up at the rearview mirror and noticed that Tony was grinning. “So, you think getting Cuddles bottled water is funny, do you Tony? If Cuddles gets sick because she’s upset, it won’t be me cleaning up after her.”

  When Tony didn’t repl
y, Jasmine smiled with satisfaction.

  Frank knew that when it came to Cuddles, arguing with his wife was useless. He leaned forward and tapped Tony on the shoulder. “Is there any place between the airport and Halifax where we can buy some bottled water?”

  “We’re just approaching the turn off for Bedford now.”

  Frank rubbed his temples. “Well, we better stop. We don’t want to keep Cuddles waiting.”

  Cuddles stood up and licked Frank’s face.

  Jasmine leaned over and kissed Frank’s cheek. “How can you be so grouchy, when Cuddles loves you so much?”

  Harold drove his green sedan into the drugstore parking lot and stopped as far away from the other cars as possible. He had no desire to try and squeeze himself out of the driver’s side door. He was hoping that no one would park near him, so getting in and out of the car would be easier.

  He turned off the engine and stepped out of the car, being careful not to make any sudden movements. Soon enough he’d have some muscle relaxants in his system, and he hoped that his younger brother would never know how much pain he was suffering.

  Tony drove to the far end of the drug store parking lot and stopped near an area with some grass. He knew from experience that Jasmine didn’t like Cuddle’s delicate paws walking on the hard pavement. Nearby, an overweight man was slowly getting out of his green sedan. The grimace on his face clearly revealed that the man was in pain. Tony smiled; at least he wasn’t the only one suffering.

  Frank got out of the car while his wife attached Cuddles’ leash to the diamond- studded collar. Jasmine pointed a finger a Tony as he as he opened his door. “When you go into the drugstore, make sure the water is chilled Tony. Cuddles doesn’t like lukewarm water.”

  “Yes Ma’am.”

  Frank was about to light up a cigarette, when he noticed Jasmine glaring at him. She put her hands on her hips, a definite sign she wasn’t happy. “I have to find Cuddles’ water dish, so you can forget about having one of those.”

  He stood there holding a cigarette in one hand, and a lighter in the other. “This is getting ridiculous. I can’t smoke when I go into a restaurant anymore. I can’t smoke in the car or in the house, and I’m sure you won’t want me smoking inside the yacht either. Well, right now I’m standing in the great outdoors and I’m going to enjoy a cigarette.”

  Jasmine walked over to Frank and handed him the dog’s leash. “Well, you’ll have to enjoy your dirty little habit later. Right now you’re taking Cuddles for a walk, while I find her water dish. And Cuddles will not be breathing your second-hand smoke.”

  “I bet if you had to choose between me and the stupid dog, Cuddles would stay.”

  Jasmine walked over and stood so close Frank could feel her breath on his face. “Cuddles is waiting.”

  Frank looked around and noticed a large bush on the edge of the grassy area. Perhaps taking Cuddles for a walk wasn’t such a bad idea. “You know Jasmine, maybe you’re right. Cuddles could probably use some fresh air.”

  Frank walked towards the bush feeling much better. It was perfect; he’d just walk the dog behind the bush, sit down, and have a cigarette. By the time Jasmine noticed the smoke, it would be too late.”

  Harold walked back from the drugstore with the package of muscle relaxants in his hand. A luxury sedan had parked nearby, and an attractive woman with shoulder length red hair was taking something out of the trunk.

  After slowly lowering himself into the driver’s seat, he took three pills and washed them down with bottled water. He looked at the digital clock on the dashboard. He had to keep moving.

  His daughter was learning to drive and he constantly reminded her to look over her shoulder, before backing up. He was about to break that rule himself, because there was no way he could turn his neck around that far, at least not until the pills started working. The rearview mirror would be enough.

  It was a rare moment. Frank and Cuddles were together and they were both happy. He held the leash in his left hand and a cigarette in his right hand. The poodle sniffed the ground around the large bush, but he wasn’t concerned. If Cuddles felt the call of nature, he’d just send Tony over for the pick-up. All he had to do was relax and enjoy his cigarette.

  As Tony returned from the drug store, Jasmine was takingt the crystal water dish out of a travel bag. She poured some bottled water in the dish and opened a package of gourmet dog biscuits.

  “Cuddles! Mommy has a treat!”

  Frank was holding the leash loosely when Cuddles bolted and broke free. He threw his cigarette on the ground and ran after Cuddles, but the dog was moving too fast for him to catch her.

  Harold started the engine and put the car in reverse. All he could see in his rearview mirror was the top of the trunk. He didn’t see the dog running behind his car as he started to back up. A spit second later, he slammed on the brakes.

  Frank was stunned by the reality of what had just happened. Tony was lifting Cuddles off of the pavement. The dog’s paw was bleeding. Jasmine was hysterical. He would be blamed for what has happened. He wished it had been him instead of the dog. He’d be lucky if his wife ever spoke to him again. The chances of her going through with a divorce had increased dramatically.

  In that instant, Frank made a decision; the guy in that car was going to pay.

  Harold forgot about his sore neck muscles and leapt out of his car. He stared at the suffering animal. “I’m sorry. I didn’t see him. I can pay for the treatment.”

  Frank stood beside Harold. “You can’t afford to pay for her treatment.”

  “Can I at least put the dog in my car and take it to a vet?”

  Jasmine looked up at Frank. “That evil man is not going to touch my Cuddles.”

  Harold opened his trunk and took out an emergency blanket. “Well, at least let me give you this. It will keep the dog warm.”

  Tony wrapped Cuddles in the blanket, carried her back to the luxury sedan, and put her in the backseat with Jasmine. Frank agreed to ride with Harold to the nearest animal hospital, just to find out where the man was going next.

  The first thing Frank noticed when he got in the car with Harold was the miniature golf bag hanging from the rearview mirror. The only question Frank asked, was if Harold was going golfing. Harold was relieved by the opportunity to talk about anything but the poor dog’s suffering. He told Frank about the golf course he was going to and about his brother the cop from Toronto.

  When they stopped at the animal hospital, Harold apologized for hurting the poor dog for the tenth time. Once again he offered again to pay for the dog’s treatment, but Frank refused and said he’d take care of everything.

  Tony watched Harold’s car leave the animal hospital’s parking lot, and wrote down his license plate number.

  Jasmine spoke into her cell phone as the luxury sedan made a return journey to the airport. Cuddles whimpered quietly beside her. “I need another private jet. I don’t care how you do it, just do it! And this time someone better make sure Cuddles gets her favourite brand of caviar.”

  Frank sat in the passenger seat next to Tony, to give Cuddles more room. He looked back at his wife in the rearview mirror. “The dog lost one nail. She’s not going to die. There’s no reason we can’t take her on the yacht with us.”

  Jasmine kissed the top of the poodle’s head. “Losing a nail has been a very painful experience and it has caused my Cuddles a great deal of stress. She needs to sleep in her own bed tonight.”

  Frank knew there was no point in arguing. “You’re right. I understand, you only want the best for Cuddles.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “I hope you realize that there was nothing I could do. I tried to stop Cuddles. If that man had been paying attention, this wouldn’t have happened.”

  Jasmine scratched Cuddles behind the ears as she spoke. “I believe you Frank. I know that you haven’t always gotten along well with Cuddles, but I know you wouldn’t want her to get hurt. The question is, what are you going to do about it?”
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  “I’m going to make sure that he pays for what he did. He hurt your Cuddles, so I’m going to hurt him.”

  Jasmine looked at Frank’s reflection in the rearview mirror. “Good.”

  An hour later Jasmine and Cuddles were on a private jet and Frank was in the backseat of the luxury sedan traveling to Halifax again. Tony held up a piece of paper. “I wrote down his license plate number.”

  Frank smiled. “We won’t need that. He’s going to play eighteen holes at his favourite golf course just outside of Halifax. He even told me how to get there. It won’t be hard to find. That’s the problem with having a conscience. It makes you talk too much.”

  Tony knew that the man who drove over the dog’s paw was as good as dead. “How are we going to do it?”

  “Well, seeing I’ve already paid for the yacht, we might as well go for a cruise and take care of business old school.”

  Tony nodded. “No problem boss, Johnny’s downtown at the harbor making sure everything on the yacht is just the way you wanted it. I’ll give him a call and tell him to meet us near the golf club.”

  Frank smiled and lit a cigarette, inhaling deeply as he stared at the passing trees. His nephew Johnny was reliable. “Good. I want to get this done tonight.”

  Harold took another swing, only to watch the golf ball hit the side of the hill and bounce back into the sand trap again. He closed his eyes and tried to control his emotions. The game was close. If he lost his concentration, he’d lose the game. Harold’s brother Jeff stood nearby, grinning from ear to ear. “Don’t be too hard on yourself Harold. It happens to the pros too. At least you’ll only have to buy lunch.”

  Just looking at how far he had to chip the ball to get it on the green was too much for Harold. He started to curse.